I was trying for a while to get rid of all the toxic paths that were part of me. To get rid of all the persons that questioned even for one second my self-esteem.
I was letting the trees throw their silhouettes over the parts of my body that escaped below my overcoat. The wind was making my hair dance with my scarf and was the first time when it did not bother me.
I was only thinking about the house that was waiting for me down the street… with its mortar going off, with the windows letting the cold in, with the flowers that were resting on the stairs and had so little life inside them. But this was my house.
It was an empty house… without inner feelings or the vibe of restless souls that have the desire to love each other by using the bodies till the alarm clock would feel ashamed of ringing so early in the morning. This emptiness reflects my low capacity of capitalizing a connection by increasing the sentimental investment and decreasing the lasciviousness of the inner drives.
I was externalizing most of my thoughts around other parts of the city and framing my sentimental desires just on paper. I was easily assimilating people, but I was very clumsy when it came about trying to sync my needs with what they were willing to offer me. I was hesitating to ask for anything in specific by randomly gesturing my intention of collaborating in order to make temporary compromises that would satisfy limited pleasures. Pleasures that did not have the special intention of evolving into more abstract connections.
Overthinking about the new wave of feelings and thoughts that was invading my time, I did not manage to discard this phrase from my mind: hunched, naked trees stand alone while the wind blows beside them.