Always loving

I was walking down the street following the sounds of my keys, searching for my fences. A lot of voices were mixing in my head and all I was hoping for was to arrive. With a flower you do not bring spring, but without one is way too much of autumn to handle…

I always had to leave… to leave my thoughts unsolved, to leave my head and look down or to make your hopes leave.

I always had to run… to run from rain, from me, from us, from our separations… to anticipate them.

I always struggled with deciding which signs to follow and I was looking for guidance in the clouds. Clouds made of fog, dust or stormy clouds. Whatever gray that would fit.

I always had problems with forgetting… forgetting roads and words, moments and smells, shadows and vibes. To forget about myself through you, somewhere where the past would not project on the future.

With my hands shaking in yours, I was not able to look at you without feeling hurt by the fact that you are the living proof of an evaporated essence. I do not know how much I wanted or how much I needed some things, but it was clear that I felt my ego faded and in the same time it was dry, dissected.

I was hurt in never-ending ways and new words. I was hurt by the deficiency of speaking out my emotions.

I love with the eyes, I love with the thoughts. I love by smelling, I love by touching. But the truth is that I do love… in a curious and unsteady way. I forget about love while loving again. I love while analyzing.  And what I love the most is what you can not see in yourself because it is just growing and visible inside me.

I love the flaws that can be reinvented and the sounds of my ideas while they are trying to explain love. But what I value the most… I love to surprise myself when I realize that I love you.

 

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